TMI (too many initials) for MUMC (made-up medical conditions)

A headline in a pharmaceutical ad caught my eye today: "Struggling to fight the fog?" Maybe it should have made me think of myself, but the one I thought of was Dad. Is there really a drug that could help with what he's dealing with?

However, I learned the drug, Provigil (modafinil), treats ES associated with OSA. What? ES, I learned, is excessive sleepiness. There's a medical name for that? I don't think so—I think Cephalon just wants us to think it's a medical condition. OSA is obstructive sleep apnea, which the ad says is a "diagnosed sleep disorder" along with SWSD—shift work sleep disorder. Are they just making this stuff up?

ES joins ADD (attention deficit disorder, formerly known as BIK, or boredom in kids), RLS (restless leg syndrome, now treatable with a new drug), and ED (erectile dysfunction, which keeps you and your wife from sitting in a pair of bathtubs next to each other on a beach or other place outside, according to Cialis commercials).

I can play this game. Let's see . . . Doctor, I need a prescription for Provigil  because I have ES due to the following diagnosed sleep disorder: NOS (night owl syndrome) associated with ILNTVS (interesting late night TV shows).

Oh, wait, I just noticed the side effects of Provigil: "a serious allergic reaction that may result in hospitalization or be life-threatening,...pain, depression, anxiety, hallucinations, psychosis, mania, thoughts of suicide or other mental problems." The ad warns, "Do not drive or do other dangerous activities until you know how Provigil affects you....Provigil has the potential to be abused or lead to dependence....Women who use hormonal birth control may have a higher chance of getting pregnant while using Provigil, and for one month after stopping."

Hmm . . . I don't know about anyone else, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather put up with the ES!

Author's note: Believe it or not, the only things I made up for this entry are the terms "BIK," "NOS," and "ILNTVS."

 
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Comments

  • 3/29/2008 12:58 PM Ellen wrote:
    Saw the daffodils at Trader Joe's Thursday! And as I read your blog about sleep aids, the sidebar on my brower advertises "Dear SAD, Want a sleep aid that's different? Click here for a free 7-day trial" !
    Reply to this
    1. 3/29/2008 8:55 PM Laurel wrote:
      I've been meaning to add an update about the TJ daffodils. The photo is of the first bunch I bought. I've bought two bunches since then, and the flowers have dried up instead of opening all the way. Buyer beware! I think you have the best luck if none of them have opened yet when you buy them.

      Reply to this
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